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Day 9 came fine, my eyes are open, I AM no longer blind!
An emotional healing
Date: 1/19/2008 12:24:24 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2688 times WOW….. this day has been the most interesting of all. I had a meeting this afternoon regarding lobbying and real estate. It was very interesting to see how the legislative process works and how people ensure their interest are protected. Most of us blindly live life never interacting with or attempting to influence the system by which we are held accountable. As you can see I have gained a new perspective. (All the while, I never got hungry!) Yeah for me!
Anyway…. I then took a nap before going to work. When I work, I felt so lethargic and just plain standoffish. I really didn’t feel like being bothered. I sat down with my journal and began to write… and then it came… what I have prayed for. ….
I have to clarify this… This time of fasting for me is about healing on the spiritual, physical, mental AND emotional level. I don’t know if people generally understand that they are sometimes “clogged” with thoughts of yesterday, past events, old hurts, childhood wounds.. Anything that keeps you bound from fully experiencing the NOW moment…. These are old and blocked emotions that we carry around within us…
I have also realized that I am an emotional eater as most people who are overweight are. I came to this conclusion some time ago but didn't know what to do. Now I know that I must allow myself to feel and not mask it. There is a certain level of honesty and courage required and let us not forget consciousness. When we focus our attention, clarity AND answeres will appear.
Back to my story... I had to say that because what happened to me next as I was writing in my journal was a feeling of separateness and loneliness. I wanted someone.... I longed.…I had to excuse myself and I went into the bathroom… I just couldn’t hold it anymore. I cried, I mean I CRIED!!! I cried until snot dripped from my nose. I cried like my mamma and daddy died! I felt something I can not explain.
I called my BFF and she verbalized what I knew. She in all her wisdom (she is a spiritual mentor and I will be posting her site as soon as it becomes available) said, this is WONDERFUL, you are clearing. Just allow this process and let it happen. You are letting go! Find a place where you can have quite.
I had to pray and I cried and I prayed and I did that until there were no more tears, just gratitude. I did ask for the inner wisdom and courage to continue and be able to look at myself authentically. I had to forgive myself for what has happened, what did happen, what will happen, what didn’t happen, who I have been, haven’t been, won’t be and JUST BE. It is all about this moment and LOVING ME with every fiber of my being. Collin Tipping who wrote Radical Forgiveness, (I LOVE that book) says ALL FORGIVENSS IS REALLY SELF FORGIVENESS. We all have to learn to lighten up and let life in.
When I walked out of that bathroom, everything looked brighter.. even the walls. Previously, I was the type of person who internalized things.. if you understand Quantum Physics, you will know what that means. I have died and have been reborn.
I knew this experience would bring many things to life. I have had things come up for me that I believed that no longer mattered…. I wasn’t paying attention.. but apparently it is time for healing.
Now that I have literally bared my soul…
I made it thru Day 9. I am soo happy. I am not hungry at all. I have been drinking plenty of water and just keeping it moving. Although, I do hope that my desire for Buffalo wings will soon cease! Haven’t thought of a candy bar once.. but Hot Sauce.. I can’t shake. I even dreamt that I put a dab on my finger just to taste!!! LOL! Is it spicy I want?
About my body… I do have a film in my mouth and a pain on the side of my stomach. There must be some healing going on. A tendon I pulled a few years ago has been hurting. I read an article that said it is not uncommon for old wounds to start to hurt during a fast because the body goes back to complete repair work on those areas. The human body is sooooo amazing. I don’t believe we understand half of what we are capable of. We all have to start loving and appreciating ourselves on another level.
They say “we are spiritual beings having a human experience” and what an experience it is!
I read other blogs and people update about their “movements”… I haven’t had a desire to go. Maybe because I have gone to colonics. I am taking an herbal laxative called LB,.. so far nothing… but I am going to keep “working on it!”
That is all for now…
Thank you for reading and I hope that this helps someone.
Luv ya and see you soon!
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