drug use

i regret poisoning my mind with drugs..i was a depressed kid and turned to drugs as an escape..it was better than suicide, which i never really contemplated but fear that i may have if not for the drugs..so in a way they may have saved me..but i will never know..Yes, which gets me to my regret..I regret taking LSD 3 times a week for almost 2 years..I have such an aloof mind..i am constantly thinking..try to decipher motives..analyzing the very existence of everything..trying to figure out why it is we do the things we do..what are we doing..who are WE..i will come up with an extremely lengthy explanation for the simplist action of myself or others and truly believe myself to be correct..However much i think, i will never know if it is because the LSD.has the LSD made me think this way..was i born to think this way..is this thinking good/bad, correct..am i crazy..is this my reality or the reality those little red/green tabs have created for me..(Kinda like the Matrix)..In any case i will always doubt my mind therefor doubt myself and my very existence..Did i do drugs because of the way i think, or do i think the way i do because the drugs..