For what ever it is worth my story is similar to yours and I wish to offer you some hope. My daughter was also bulimic, had distructive behavior, and I also suspected she was sexually abused when she was younger. It was the most scariest time in my life. My daughter who is also very beautiful and inteligent was destroying her self and I felt completely helpless to stop her. I would of given my life for her if it would of helped. She also would not talk to me she was very angry and bitter. I admitt I was not always a good support for her. The more she hurt I would crumble and become a total heap and break out crying uncontroleably. My daughter's life is at stake and I was frantically trying to figure how to help her. I would try anything at all that might help her ANYTHING!!!
I was determined to become what ever she need me to be, do what ever it took, send her were ever she needed to go I just wanted my daughter back mentally, emotionally, healthy.
One of the first things I decided was that she would not see me cry (this was very difficult for me) she had a hard enough time dealing with her own emotions let alone mine.
The other thing that I did, based on my husbands advice, was to always look for opportunities to be with her so if she felt like opening up I would be available.
If she ever initiated for me to do something with her I would drop what i was doing and do it. I refrained from asking anything regarding her situation. If she only would have small talk with me that was a positive. I hung on to tht fact that she talked to me!! I prayed for the day she would open up. If she ever brought anything up directly or indirectly I would just listen and if she asked directly I would answer with the positive note that I was confident she would make it through praise her and affirm her strong qualities. I began to praise specifics not just general and with an example of the character quality I saw.
She saw a physciatrist he said that her ability to express anger verbally was a postive. I hung on to any positve no matter how small it seamed. During our our darkest hours recalling any positives helped us hang on a little longer. Another thing that I checked into was Remuda Ranch the founder started it after helping his own daughter. The challenge however is the cost and whether your daughter would agree to go. The other thing I did was to see if my daughter had any chemical imbalances. I found out that she was very Serotonin deficient, as well as Gaba deficient, as well as a number of other vit. deficiencies. She began supplementing and notice a mayjor difference right away.
I believe the her state was caused by a combination of many different things and the sexuall abuse was a mayjor. I believe that one of the mayjor factors in healing was prayer (what I couldn't fix I believe God Can) which lead us to look into biochemical imbalances. The supplements help her emotionally better handle the stress of what happened and the every day challenges of life.
My daughter is no longer bulimic she talks to me openly of everything that happened to her. She is happy and well balanced emotionally as long as she is taking her supplements. The supplements she takes is completely natural and safe.
I pray for the very best for you and your daughter.
ps. I use to beat myself up all the time over the things I have done wrong in my parenting. Someone once told me... there is no such thing as a perfect parent... and no such thing as a perfect kid... It simple dosen't exist. Do Your best and never, ever give up!
One other thing.... there was something I didn't understand and that was 3 of my sisters were sexually abused over a long period of time and not one of them have a alcohol/drug problem or ended up bulimic or anorexic. I am not trying to say they were not affected but not to the point as in our daughters. I have just wondered if there is a connection between how we are able to handle stresses today as apposed to 50 years ago. And the role the toxins and lack of nutrient play in being chemically out of balance, because my daughter was definatley out of balance.