A simple truth

You've got a really bad attitude and outlook right now on life. Really bad. You spoke a lot on the post so it's obvious that you're articulate and can express your emotions well. Now you need to to turn that around and say better things to yourself. Look up cognitive therapy on-line. It doesn't cost a penny to practice positive thinking. Seriously - look it up. I know from experience that if you keep saying all the above junk (which maybe true) about your crappy life and your bad health you are choosing to be unhappy. You're self prophesying. When you learn how to change the way you view obstacles, you change your life for the better and can learn how to be happier. Simple truths are hard to swallow sometimes. I wish you the best.