Re: my indigo daughter...and i came full circle tonight

hello, I am back , and I have an handful of spare minutes to answer more thoroughly.

I am so proud of you for doing what you just did, talking to yr daughter heart to heart and apologize for your mistakes. Every parent should do this once in a while ,since none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, despite our best intentions.

Please know that you are not alone struggling to be a good parent to your child. This is actually an huge task, and not everyone is willing to discuss their parenting style. Dealing with your mistakes surely required a lot of courage on your part, and demonstrates that you are truly trying to do your best. Many people just act the way they feel or they were taught, and never stop to ask themselves none of these difficult questions.

The main thing is to feel and make your child feel a strong attachment. This will get both of you safely through the harder times of your relationship. Never refuse to hug her, never leave her crying on her own, always remind her of how much you love her, even when you are angry and even when she is misbehaving and driving you crazy.
Let her know that your anger stems out of the love and true interest you have for her, and that you get angry whe feeling impotent for not being able to communicate to her .

I have looked into the forum description to check me and my 3 y old daughter and yes, I think both of us could be Indigos too.

I always had problems with insubordination and "difficult" behavior, sharp sensibility, and sorrow as a child.
My mother is a control type of mom, but of the gentle, subtle control type, which works by sneaking guilt everywhere. I still have huge guilt issues which make a lot more difficult pare
nting my own daughter.

I have had an hard time trying to educate her so far.
At times she seems to get it and she behaves just fine, then suddenly she gets totally uncooperative with no apparent reason. She has trouble with anger control and feelings of being unable to do things ( which often becomes an excuse not to wash hands, or pickup toys etc) .
Other people including my hsb keep on telling me that I should not be so patient and say she is just spoiled, I know there is more than that. She needs to get tuned in or she will not feel at ease in any situation. I know that in every situation there is a key word or action that will make her smile and drop her "bad" or "sad" behavior, but often I lack the strength or the will to keep looking for it, and end up yelling at her or trying to control her in negative ways - time outs, toys withdrawal etc.
It is so difficult to calm her down when she gets angry, which happens often. She also wants 100% my attention, when left to play on her own she easily gets bored and find one excuse after another to have me stop what I am doing ( I am a WAHM)
She also does a lot of things to test my reactions and my anger threshold.

I have a very close relationship with her and I firmly believe that this is the main key to get through hard times without suffering permanent wounds. I was given very little physical love as a child and I think this is the main reason why I grew up so insecure and guilt-ridden. I do believe that whenever plenty of love is openly showed to the child, every negative thing easily fades away, leaving little or no scars. On the other hand, where there is coldness, even little things become hurtful. This happened to me with my father, he got easily angry and yelled. I got spanks from him, but since he was a truly loving dad and I could FEEL that, I can recall mainly good memories and have a good relationship with him. On the other hand my mother was emotionally out of reach, and in spite of her proudness for never giving me a spank, she left me several emotional scars.


I hope I have been able to give you some help, have a nice day!