Re: Fear of birth

I was always on the fence about having children. Never had a strong desire to do it, but was open to the possibility if I ended up with a guy who wanted them. I could have gone either way, my main concern being that I had a partner who would be an equal participant, because I knew I wasn't up to the challenge of bearing most or all the responsibilty of child care. I too had some fears about going through childbirth, physically. Not so much the pain, more fear of complications or long term damage, not to mention the possibility of a child with health complications, mental or physical handicaps, etc. I just turned 40, my BF of 10 years (probably soon to be husband... finally...) is 48. Our time has passed, but it became clear to me within the first few years of our relationship that he didn't want children. He seemed open to it initially, but gradually started being more open about exactly how much he despised the idea, which was initially a little upsetting for me because even though I knew I wasn't really cut out for motherhood, I had to officially abandon the idea that I'd someday, somehow join that club, and there was actually a bit of mourning I needed to do about that. He was (is) the right guy, and so that kind of cinched the deal. If your BF is adamant that he wants children and you don't, then it may be that you are not ultimately compatible and one of you will resent the other for the rest of your lives, whether you give in and have kids, or he gives and never becomes a father to be with you. I don't think I could have stayed with my BF and been happy if I really wanted kids, despite my feelings for him.

I knew for sure about 6 months ago that I'd made the right decision because I missed a period and during that couple of days before I took a pregnancy test (negative), the only thing I felt at the prospect that I might be pregnant was sheer terror.

Long story short, if you don't want to be a parent, don't. There are too many humans on the planet making too many babies, anyway. There are plenty of men out there who don't want kids, either. If you have the instinct to nuture & teach, you can always work with animals, volunteer at a youth center, be a mentor, that kind of thing. A life without kids doesn't have to mean a selfish life.