I realize that subject makes me sound frivolous, but I am actually in tears here on Easter Sunday. I have been trying to follow the excellent advice I received from so many of you and it's not been going well.
My Mother is still living in our house. She says she is "doing everything she can to get out of this hell we placed her in" but I do not see her leaving any time soon.
Yesterday, I placed a simple, one paragraph letter in her mailbox requesting she please give us the overdue rent money for April. I did not ask her for it in person or have my husband ask her for it in person, because the last time we did she accused him of "assaulting her" for the money. She makes the check out every month and leaves it on the bookshelf instead of giving it to us. We always have to ask her for the money or beg for it.
Wednesday, the power was out in our neighborhood. My mother called me at work and said it was "suspicious" my husband didn't answer the phone and that our answering machine was not picking up (the power was out, which means the answering machine would not be working!! we have digital phone - which she knows!!- so when the power is out our phone is out) and said she thought we were "pulling something on her" and that she would "alert the authorities". My husband went ballistic when I told him. This makes the third or fourth time she has threatened to "report us to the authorities" for one thing or another (first it was because the heat was not on in August (yes AUGUST) and she was freezing to death, then it was because there was no cable television and she was "isolated" from the world, now the power being out).
When she got my letter yesterday, she left me a nasty message on our machine accusing me of having a guilty or no conscience. Today she left me a letter saying that I have "no conscience, integrity, courtesy or rationality" and that "You both have done everything to cause me harm since you enticed me here with verbal assurances and spoken concern” and that "Your treatment of me will not go without consequences" and to read the enclosed material she has provided me about Elder Abuse. She closes the letter saying to consider the rent money "blood money which will curse you from now on". She also wrote happy Easter and called us "heathens".
The papers she enclosed are from an "Elder Abuse Awareness Kit" and she highlighted the portions about domestic elder abuse, Emotional or psychological abuse and neglect. She also highlighted the portions under "Signs by Caregiver" "Prevents elder from speaking to or seeing visitors" "Anger, indifference or aggressive behavior toward elder" "Lack of affection toward elder" "gives the silient treatment" and "witholds affection".
I posted a lot of long messages about my mother a month or so ago. But basically, she is 63, in reasonably good health except for morbid obesity which has given her trouble walking, diabetes, high blood pressure and congestive heart failure among other problems. She refuses to acknowledge her weight problem as a contributing factor to these problems and refuses to eat well or exercise. She has her own car, drives, has a lot of friends she complains to, her own phone line. She is actually out at a friend's home right now having lunch, so in no way is she isolated. We stopped speaking to her because she was making outrageous accusations about us, or would scream at us for no reason. I thought if we let things cool down, we could all sit down and speak like rational adults, but she has only gotten angrier and escalated her behavior.
It looks like I am going to be forced to start eviction proceedings against her. I can't do it myself, so I have a friend I am going to hire to do it for me.
I'm not sure what I am looking for today. Just some reassurance. Or critiques. If any one sees anything I could or should be doing differently PLEASE tell me! Am I in the wrong here?? Any fresh perspectives, unbiased opinions are welcome. I just don't know what to do! Please see my other posts if you need more info, or feel free to email me.