Re: Difficult child destroying the marriage...

"And, I have to disagree that a child of 8 is aware of the damage that they are causing by poor behavioral choices. "

Hardly anyone in this world is fully aware of the damage they are causing in anything they do.

But they all know what they are doing, including this child. There is a difference. She knows how to get attention or how to vent her frustration, or hurt someone just because she can, or maybe even worse - how to do as she is told (which is acceptable in one environment, and unnacceptable in the other).

Look at it this way - it's not like she's trying to be the sweetest thing on the planet, and it just so happened that every time she did something her actions didn't match her intentions.

One thing she may not be aware of most of the time is her true motivation, manipulations she's exposed to and frustration she feels. But that doesn't mean she's not aware of what she's doing; and it's safe to say that she knows that making a scene won't result in her being more loved and encouraged.

Maybe you are trying to say that she is not aware of how WRONG that behaviour is? And that I agree with - she will never be fully aware of that as she is not getting consistent feedback in that regard (her mom and dad have different values).