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Difficult child destroying the marriage...
 
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Published: 18 y
 

Difficult child destroying the marriage...


I had often wondered what steps had been taken to help this child since the first thread was started and am glad that the member who made the original post came back to see if anything new might have been added.

After reading each post (sometimes, more than once), I began to get a slightly better picture of the surface dynamics of this sad situation.

Just a few questions, here:
How long did you know your husband before you were married and how did you meet?
How much time have you spent with his ex-wife, alone, and in a civil setting?
How often do you talk to his ex-wife with regard to their daughter?
From whom did you learn the stories of the domestic violence that occurred?
Who diagnosed this woman as bipolar? Medical doc? Psychologist? Psychiatrist?
What medications was she prescribed?
What are the circumstances leading up to her attempted suicide and how long ago?
From whom did you get information with regard to her attempted suicide?
What positive steps has your husband taken to insure the safety and well-being of his offspring?

My concern is that this child has become such a focus of fury with you that I think you're not able to see the entire picture, and that's quite easy to do when our focus is pinpointed on one thing. I believe that this child's behavior is, without a doubt, a problem and needs to be appropriately addressed, but she (alone, and by herself) is not at the core of your relationship issues with your husband (subject title: "Difficult child destroying our marriage!"). The reason that I believe this is that a couple, united as partners and companions and working together in a healthy relationship, will not be ripped apart by a child who is obviously experiencing some serious emotional (physical? sexual?) trauma. If the child is coming between you and your husband, it's quite possible that there are pre-existing issues that were only exacerbated by the difficulties in coping with a disturbed child.

And, I have to disagree that a child of 8 is aware of the damage that they are causing by poor behavioral choices. They are not cognizant enough to plan and execute traumatic events with the sole intent of causing disruption. She does, however, know that she is attended to when behaving badly, but this is not to say that she is intending to cause damage - she is simply acting out which is a symptom of some greater damage. Spoiled? Perhaps, but this can easily be handled with coping techniques, some of which have been listed throughout the original thread.

Now, when she's approaching puberty, all hell is going to break loose unless your husband takes his responsibility in hand and seeks intervention for her. You think you despise that child, now? Wait until she becomes a teenager!
 

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