that may explain everything. have you described this to MH and asked him about it? he might have a little gem of info for you. but basically he will say what i have just said - this is keeping you from finding what you seek. the more you clean up, the more the body will try to dissolve and eliminate it. this may cause more damage than just going the rest of the way with allopaths. i am not trying to discourage you, but your body is not your own, now. it has been pierced and the doctors now own it. accepting that may help you do the best you can and not be so frustrated/disappointed.