Re: call it what you want

My father was not a narcissist, but he had a terrible temper with his family (intolerant) after it became a dysfunctional family. I was the most peaceful and reasonable person in the family, so I never recieved too much of his temper. The temper he developed after it became a dysfunctional family was mainly a defense against those who wouldn't accept him. My mother had an affair when I was very young and, summed up, my father saw his life's dreams destroyed. Adding a dysfunctional family who wouldn't accept and console him to heartbreak, you get a very defensive reaction (temper for family ONLY). He had been a social worker in the ghettos and became a homebound teacher of the handicapped and his students loved him, but he had a terrible temper with his family members who wouldn't accept him (it was a defensive reaction). I wrote a poem about him after he died, it was called "The Fence" (hard shell). What do you build a fence around?...something special that you want to protect (heart of gold). On my 28th birthday, I went to his house and the first words I hear as I walk through the door are "you know, you're an A**hole". I didn't argue, I simply accepted and said "yeah, I know dad". You could hear the silence.

Try EMOTIONAL intimacy (acceptance).