Re: call it what you want

i have faced these same questions and it has boiled down to commitment. i married this womean and she bore me three children. as soon as that was accomplished, i was never good enough. when i became too ill to work, i became an unnecessary burden and a thorn in her side. today, i have made HER live through a nightmare and i am a "user and a loser" according to her. the better i get at not being effected by what she says and does regarding me, she then attacks the kids, calling them lazy and idiots and liars and thieves if they use something of hers.

it came to a head the other night, after hearing her tell me to leave for the millionth time. i said, write down that you want me to leave your house and i will make it so. she didnt. she wouldnt. i called her bluff(who the hell else could she treat the way she treats me and not get hurt?). when she realized i had exposed her, she got in a huff and wrote down, "i want you out of my life" and signed it. well, she not only would not give me that note(a requirement for getting me to leave was that i get to have the note), she wrote something different than what i had pre-agreed to. i told her it would be impossible to get out of her life, we have three children together for one thing.

so that is what i deal with. she doesnt want me to leave, but she controls everything in the house, chases all my friends away, and sabotages any plans i start executing to get on with my life now that i am well and can work. she cant really hold me down - i have proved that by getting well in spite of all her opposition.

so my answer is commitment. i hold no hope at all that i will get anything out of it like a real relationship. i am just not the kind of guy who abandons his family because its convenient. here is a real laugh - she accuses me of staying because THAT is convenient! about as convenient as sliding downhill a-straddle a razor blade.