Re: My daughter's abuse

Dear 45829,

That sounds really hard, that she is living in another country!
Of course, it is hard too even if she is living next door, it can be just as hard to communicate with someone being hurt.

She sounds compassionate, sure, about seeing the good in this guy. He probably IS a good guy deep inside, with problems, but that doesn't mean that I or anyone has the power to transform anybody.

What helped me was people being really supportive about who I was, and how much they liked seeing me (their reaching out was nice; some abusive people are very careful to isolate their partner from family and friends). They gave me good examples of healthy friendships and caring without a lot of drama and control.

It's great that she obviously tells you things and confides in you!!!
Listening in a very open way seems like one good idea. Maybe even discuss in a truly non-judgmental way, "Tell me, what are the good things that you see in him? What are the enjoyable things about spending time with him?" If you are very genuinely interested and happy to learn about their relationship, she might find it easier to admit that in fact he doesn't have a lot of assets for her.
I wonder how she is doing the past few days???

Hang in there, keep talking if you want,
A