I'm pregnant, I've had an abortion, I've lost a living child....

In 1986 I had a child murdered. Prior to his murder I'd had an abortion. I thought his murder was God's punishment for the abortion. I have another son that is 17 years old. I got pregnant in March and m/c in June. Somewhere in my mind I have a belief that I can only have one living child at a time. I think I had some unfinished stuff when I m/c. I'm 8 weeks pregnant again and I know this belief is false. This baby is due on my first sons death date. Talk about full circle. I know I'm grieving the m/c, I know I never dealt with the abortion. I mean we can't even admit we had one to most people. I am still pro choice. What applied yesterday when I made that decision. Does not apply today, so the guilt is now guilt, not then guilt. If in the same position today I'd still make that choice. It just mixed up with other life issues and gets us all messed up. Thank you for being here......C Tweet