Re: I'm pregnant, I've had an abortion, I've lost a living child....

Hi C,

I felt similar to you when I had my miscarriages. In the back of my mind (I was repressing sooo many painful memories and emotions) I wondered if possibly the miscarriages and the infertility had anything at all to do with my abortions. I posted my story just before yours. When I did get pregnant and made it past the first three months, I was awestruck. We went to the funeral of my husband's grandmother, who was Jewish, and I asked the Rabbi how to say "I am forgiven" in Hebrew. That was a name I was considering for the baby I was carrying. I truly felt like God had forgiven me. Then when we lost that pregnancy to stillbirth (the delivery was a nightmare I would not wish on anyone), it threw me into a tailspin. All the old emotions and memories that I had neatly tucked away for so many years came rushing back and I did not have the physical, mental or emotional strength to keep them at bay any longer.

The folks at the Crisis Pregnancy Center were there for me. The woman who answered the phone said that believing that God was punishing me by taking away my baby was a lie from Satan himself.

You have been through sooo much with losing your son to murder and your miscarriage. Do you have any local support? Even if you do not want to talk about the abortion, the folks at the Crisis Pregnancy Center will be more than happy to help you with your feelings regarding the miscarriage and the loss of your son to murder, and how you feel regarding the precious baby you are now carrying. I encourage you try them out.

You are in my prayers.

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