On one hand you're pro-choice, on the other you're feeling guilty about having had an abortion. Seems you aren't quite convinced, either way. What do you mean about then guilt and now guilt? I didn't quite get that. I'm not pro-choice at all, used to be. But we won't get into that. The important thing is that you want your baby, and you wanted your baby when you miscarried. Obviously, if this is bothering you-- that you had an abortion, and that you feel God is punishing--somewhere inside you, part of you isn't so sure abortion is right. All I can tell you is to pray for your child, regardless of your past, or your political positon with regard to abortion, the fact of the matter is that child that is in your womb will likely be loved. It's all that matters. And if you find your abortion is haunting you, I think you should deal with it, ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and move on. The most important thing is your child now. Eat well, sleep well, live healthily, and think happy thoughts.
The whole thing about abortion is that we tend to think that we're not dealing with a bonafide full-fledged human life, and that any remorse or repugnance about abortion is just a romantic notion that sways our judgement. I know that's how I used to think. To me it was the equivalent of killing a lizard and we were swayed by its human form. Excuse my crudeness, but to me an abortion was no more wrong than flushing a sperm down the toilet. Then when my daughter was 5 months in the womb, I started to realize their was a human being in there, not just any human being that was my own flesh and blood. I started interacting with my child in various ways. I would talk and sing to her and I would press on my wife's belly and interact. She would hear my voice and go to the side of the womb that I was on. When she was born, she was in a nurses arms and crying. The nurses were astounded when they saw how she stopped crying immediately when she heard my voice. I don't want to be preaching at you, nor am I trying to make you feel guilty. The feelings of remorse you are feeling are natural and justified. It means your a compasionate human being. I was reading just tonight about how most women who get a abortion are totally blasé about it, they joke even.
So regardless of your position on abortion, or what you think your position is, or what you've done in the past you are a caring mother expecting a child. To God, that's all that matters.

[Message removed by a Forum Moderator]

C....

We are always here for you, that is the reason for the forum! :o)

I'm sorry you are feeling down. But, never think that God is punishing you - He is not in the punishing business, but instead He is in the forgiving business. Ask for forgiveness and also forgive yourself. It is a very difficult process for a lot of women, but it can happen. Right now, you just concentrate on the life growing inside you - start bonding now. And by all means, no matter what your faith, start praying for that child.

You'll be just fine, and anytime you want to talk, we will all be here with listening ears and compassionate hearts.

Warm Regards,
Ev

Hi C,

I felt similar to you when I had my miscarriages. In the back of my mind (I was repressing sooo many painful memories and emotions) I wondered if possibly the miscarriages and the infertility had anything at all to do with my abortions. I posted my story just before yours. When I did get pregnant and made it past the first three months, I was awestruck. We went to the funeral of my husband's grandmother, who was Jewish, and I asked the Rabbi how to say "I am forgiven" in Hebrew. That was a name I was considering for the baby I was carrying. I truly felt like God had forgiven me. Then when we lost that pregnancy to stillbirth (the delivery was a nightmare I would not wish on anyone), it threw me into a tailspin. All the old emotions and memories that I had neatly tucked away for so many years came rushing back and I did not have the physical, mental or emotional strength to keep them at bay any longer.

The folks at the Crisis Pregnancy Center were there for me. The woman who answered the phone said that believing that God was punishing me by taking away my baby was a lie from Satan himself.

You have been through sooo much with losing your son to murder and your miscarriage. Do you have any local support? Even if you do not want to talk about the abortion, the folks at the Crisis Pregnancy Center will be more than happy to help you with your feelings regarding the miscarriage and the loss of your son to murder, and how you feel regarding the precious baby you are now carrying. I encourage you try them out.

You are in my prayers.

I really wasn't seeking advice. I am Pro-choice and I will always support woman in their current decisions. I have and often refer to MD's that are willing to assist. I'm married and have benn for 17 years.
When I had the abortion I was a single mom and it was the best decision at that point in my life. What I find interesting today. Is this FALSE belief due to my history that I can only ever have one living child at a time. I released that after the m/c. Of course there are those of you who will think because I"m still talking about it that I haven't.
I merely wanted to show an example of what mental twists our decisions long ago have on our lives. Today, abortion is not for me. If my son hadn't been murdered I can't say I wouldn't make that decision again. He was 4 years old, in case you were wondering. It was 18 years ago and the guy just got released. When I m/c I had a great deal of things on my mind. Do I go to the parole board hearing or not. I didn't. I wrote a letter asking to be removed from the victims list. He is the victim of his own crime, a lost soul. I wrote him also and forgave him in a few brief lines. I then got pregnant again and this baby is due the same date my son was murdered. So healing is possible and God returns in abundance.
God Bless everybody on this site, in everyway, on everyday.......C