My heart goes out to you for all that you have experienced. Your immense strength in surviving all that you have had to endure is a testimony to the strength and indestructibility of the human spirit. You are a great mother with an immense love for your children. I can understand the great love you had and still have for your baby to rather let it go then to let it endure any of what you had to endure. I am pro-life myself and understand that you acted from that perspective. I may have done the same under your circumstances.
May God bless you and your children and I rejoice with you in knowing that you will meet your little one some day and be reunited!