Hi! I was so happy that Ev had the brilliant idea to suggest and be given this forum. No one as understanding and compassionate as her to tenderly listen to the many stories of quiet desperation within many of our sisters. Cogratulations Ev!!! However I did not think that I personally would be posting here anytime soon. And yet, after reading all the moving stories, but specially the one by Babycakes which has brought big fat tears to my eyes, I suddenly realized I do have something to post here, and I think it's no coincidence.

Two days ago, Sunday after church, a small group of us women
went out to lunch. I was able to sit next to a lady
in her fifties named Shirley, which brought little tingles of excitement to me because I was aware that Shirley had a near death experience almost two years ago. I had never had the opportunity to speak to Shirley directly, so I couldn't wait until the moment was right to bombard the poor woman with questions about her NDE!!

Sure enough, right about the last noodle in my soup, I was able to ask her. She hesitated and got a far away look in her eyes, and started to grope for words that could explain in limited physical terms what she had experienced. Good, I thought, it must have been the real thing! She began to tell me among other things, how she saw all these beings that were all in perfect peace and love, etc., etc., and how she somehow knew them all. Then she told me about her brief conversation with Jesus, and how after that she was embraced by both of her grandmothers, and how surprised she'd been that one of them still had the faint smell of chocolate chip cookies that she remembered as a child.

At that point Shirley began to tell me between sobs and laughter, the part of this experience which had brought the most remarkable healing to her life. As a little 6 year old, her mother had left her in charge of her year old baby sister while the baby was being bathed. The mother left the room, but Shirley had not wanted to watch the baby, and rather ran to play outside. (That was not very smart of their mother) While all alone, the baby reached up and twisted open the scalding hot water faucet, which came down on her little head and body. The baby died on the way to the hospital.

Shirley's mother practically lost her mind, and the whole family had to move to another city in an attempt to get the mother to come out of her grief and be able to function for the rest of her family. Meanwhile, Shirley grew up full of guilts and sorrow. When she got married, she wanted no babies, but because she had irregular periods she was pregnant twice and didn't find out until she was quite pregnant. The fact that late abortions were not an option for her is the only reason that she had her two daughters.

During her experience to the other side, while talking to one of her grandmothers, Shirley's sister came to speak to her. They were able to embrace, and her sister told her that she was fine and that she loved her. Shirley had gone over fortysomething years of her life carrying this pain around with her, silently in the background, affecting everything in her life. She said she now knew that she and her mother were forgiven, and that she could live the rest of her life at peace. Immediately I thought, gee, what a wonderful message for mothers and people everywhere who've lost a baby. ( I lost a little brother when I was just a baby myself, and my mother never got over it)

But today it made me think Babycakes, how much guilt, pain and sorrow you have carried around. Far, far more repentance than is even required for God's forgiveness. I don't know where your faith is grounded, but whether you believe it or not, your baby is alive somewhere, and you stopped his body, but not his spirit from living on.

Now to those of you out there reading this that might scoff and think that this is an endorsement for abortion, put those ideas away, far be it from me. But neither does God want us to carry on the process of self punishment and torture with which some women go on living.

We can never justify or change our past mistakes by carrying on in self unforgiveness and denial. Perennnial bitterness and sorrow can only mean more added sorrow into the lives of those around us and ourselves. An unnecessary hysterectomy is harsh treatment of the body, and will bring on many years of discomfort. Please forgive yourself totally and be healed. No, you may not be able to bring that baby's body back to life, but you will be giving yourself and your children the gift of peace and joy, which is the incorruptible gift of wrongs forgiven, burried and forgotten.
Many blessings to all of you.
Alikat ~♥~
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Hi! I was so happy that Ev had the brilliant idea to suggest and be given this forum. No one as understanding and compassionate as her to tenderly listen to the many stories of quiet desperation within many of our sisters. Cogratulations Ev!!! However I did not think that I personally would be posting here anytime soon. And yet, aftter reading all the moving stories, but specially the one by Babycakes which has brought big fat tears to my eyes, I suddenly realized I do have something to post here, and I think it's no coincidence.

Two days ago, Sunday after church, a small group of us women
went out to lunch. I was able to sit next to a lady
in her fifties named Shirley, which brought little tingles of excitement to me because I was aware that Shirley had a near death experience almost two years ago. I had never had the opportunity to speak to Shirley directly, so I couldn't wait until the moment was right to bombard the poor woman with questions about her NDE!!

Sue enough, right about the last noodle in my soup I was able to ask her. She hesitated and got a far away look in her eyes, and started to grope for words that could explain in limited physical terms what she experienced. Good, I thought, it must have been the real thing! She began to tell me among other things, how she saw all these beings that were all in perfect peace and love, etc., etc. Then she told me about her brief conversation with Jesus, and how after that she was embraced by both of her grandmothers, and how surprised she was that one of them still had the faint smell of chocolate chip cookies that she remembered as a child.

At that point SHirley began to tell me between sobs and laughter, the part which had been the most remarkable healing to her life, from this experience. As a little 6 year old, her mother had left her in charge of her year ld baby sister while the baby was being bathed. The mother left the room, but SHirley had not wanted to watch the baby, and rather ran out to play outside. (That was not very smart of their mother) While all alone, the baby reached up and twisted open the scalding hot water faucet, which came down on her little head and body. The baby died on the way to the hospital.

Shirley's mother practically lost her mind, and the whole family had to move to another city in an attempt to get the mother to come out of her grief and be able to function for the rest of her family. Meanwhile, Shirley grew up full of guilts and sorrow. When she got married, she wanted no babies, but because she had irregular periods she was pregnant twice and didn't find out until she was quite pregnant. The fact that late abortions were not an option for her is the only reason that she had her two daughters.

DUring her experience to the other side, while talking to one of her grandmothers, Shirleys sister came to speak to her, They were able to embrace, and her sister told her that she was fine and that she loved her. Shirley had gone over fortysomething years of her life carrying this pain around with her, silently in the background,affecting everything in her life. SHe said she now knew that she and her mother were forgiven, and that she could live the rest of her life at peace. Immediately I thought, gee, what a wondderful message for mothers and people everywhere who've lost a baby. ( I lost a little brother when I was just a baby myself, and my mother never got over it)

But today it made me think Babycakes, how much more guilt, pain and sorrow you have carried around, far, far more than is even required for God's forgiveness. I don't know where your faith is grounded, but whether you believe it or not, your baby is alive somewhere, and you stopped his body, but not his spirit from living on.

Now to those of you out there reading this that might scoff and think that this is an endorsement for abortion, put those ideas away, far be it from me. But neither does God want us to carry on the process of self punishment and torture with which some women go on living.

We can never justify our past mistakes by carrying on in self unforgiveness and denial. A perennnial bitterness and sorrow can only mean more added sorrow on the lives of those around us and ourselves. An unnecessary hysterectomy is harsh treatment of the body, and will bring on many years of discomfort. Please forgive yourself totally and be healed. No, you may not be able to bring that baby's body back to life, but you will be giving yourself and your children the gift of peace and joy, which is the incorruptible gift of wrongs burried and forgotten.
Many blessings to all of you.
Alikat