I admire your honesty and presence of mind to even collect your thoughts on such a topic. Plus it takes a bit of confront to work with something like this. I suspect there is a book that could bring you some understanding just by reading it. It does recommend working with another person to do the "auditing" of the mind.
The book is called Dianetics, first published in 1950 by L. Ron Hubbard.
I do not mean to insinuate that your mind needs work any more than anyone else's!!! But, Dianetic auditing is a real trip!!