Hi
Wow. I don't know if I can help in the sense of past lives or anything because I am a bit of a skeptic. I guess I use that as armor against anyone who might be less than honest or downright mental. That said, I too have had such thoughts. Funny thing is, I didn't realize that I haven't had them in about two years. I did have an abusive childhood, and I have had problems with anger and anxiety. I have been in therapy for a while. Usually, my thoughts centered around throwing hot coffee on people. Often, while in a college class, as I sat there listening to a lecture, I had constant recurring urges to throw hot coffee on the instructor. I did not act on these thoughts, and my therapist acted like it was no big deal (maybe he thought I was dangerous). I know that I have had a lot of breakthroughs and the more spiritually centered I've become, the less angry and hostile I am. I wonder if it's not just frustration about your life in general. Perhaps you're putting the cart before the horse in the sense that you are thinking that your hostile thoughts are stopping your spiritual growth, but perhaps it's the other way round? You are stopping your spiritual growth by having hostile thoughts. Just a thought, but I have the impression that you have a lot of self doubt and that you are very frustrated with your life. You feel you aren't worthy of having a satisfied and happy fulfilling life because you'd have to give up certain things you don't want to. I think that the more spiritual you allow yourself to be the less likely you'll have these thoughts. If you feel you need to, discuss it with a therapist but considier this: Why would you want to be so negative? What are you getting out of this?
Dave

I've had similar feelings. (Actually, I first remember it with my nephew and nieces, who at the time were all under 6. I'd be going down there to watch them for a couple of days while there parents were away and would start having images of like knives "accidently" slipping from my grip and stabbling them. Fun stuff!)

I find it most helpful to look at it from a past life angle. When most of us think of our ties from past life, we think "oh, so-and-so was my father/mother/sister/brother/love then." Like we are all one big happy family coming back together all the time to help each other. It was very difficult for me to accept the idea, when I first read it (one of Shirley MacLaine's books), that we have also killed/maimed/tortured many of these people. But when you think about it, it makes sense. Past lives and karma are about balance and atonement. So of course we need to re-meet people we have "wronged". "Wronging" is a big lesson for the soul. So of course it is those closest to us who put themselves forward as vehicles to allow us to live these lessons.

My guess would be that you are tapping into some warrior past life stuff. Nothing like the battlefield to teach lessons about life/death and this material existence. And nothing like the battlefield to develop strong bonds of comradeship. (My mother and I have done it in many lifetimes, so I've been told. Unfortunately, this lifetime the battle is with each other . . . but I digress.) Being on a spiritual path, the thoughts of having killed/maimed/tortured are a bit . . . disconcerting, no? But most of us have done it. It's part of the play. And I think in attempting to bury some of these feelings, we can bury positive aspects of the warrior, too. For me, when I got over the shock and started to own up to some of this . . . I found tremendous strength and energy.

He can help you shed light on this and he can also help you deal with past life issues.

I admire your honesty and presence of mind to even collect your thoughts on such a topic. Plus it takes a bit of confront to work with something like this. I suspect there is a book that could bring you some understanding just by reading it. It does recommend working with another person to do the "auditing" of the mind.

The book is called Dianetics, first published in 1950 by L. Ron Hubbard.

I do not mean to insinuate that your mind needs work any more than anyone else's!!! But, Dianetic auditing is a real trip!!

The symptoms that you are describing are associated with an anxiety disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Disorer. People commonly relate to the class labeled "reactive" where an actual trigger can be idenified as the cause of sid obsession and overt ritualistic behavior occurs as the person attempts to eliviate the anxiety, (i.e. obsessed with germs cause compulsive hand washing). Not so commonly known are cases where a person experiences "autogenous" or spontaneous obsessions. You may find yourself engaging in activitey to distract from these unwanted thoughts. For example, a person who suddenly becomes aware that they are thinking about murder might take on a huge cleaning project in an attempt to distract from the anxiety. There are a number of theories concerning that treatment approach and you might condier a therapist who is familiar with a few. I can tell you that the cause of your symptoms is more likely a disturbance in the cortial-striatal-thalmic reigons of your basal ganglia, than past life energy manifesting into this space/time continuum.

Why this has manifested in your brain is only conjuncture at this point. My information comes from a number of medical journals that I do not have handy. I do not recommend iddly searching the web becuase I have found SO MUCH condradicory information. Medical Journals are your best bet. Your local library or college might give you access. Sorry this is so long. Good Luck on your journey.