Re: Thanks for the great advice

HAVE FUN FUN FUN!

I was just looking into the possibility of being admitted to practice as an atty in the bahamas in the future......and then, after your post, thought why all the focus on Jamaica/Bahamas all the sudden. Coincidence??? hmmmmmm

I really think that men are not only attracted to phsyical beauty, but they really like the inner beauty of confidence, joy and all the other good fruit in our spirit. (Peace, unconditional love, etc.) Many times older men will comment to me that they love younger females because they are FUN and have an energy about them. They get tired of the drag of an old tired relationship that makes them feel like they are being nagged and accused of wrongdoing. They want to feel invigorated, alive, and a hero to the gal. You know, that is really understandable. We have somewhat similar needs, and want to feel good, cherished, etc.

(All the relationship books like mars/venus, etc. talk about the fact that men are really not into "the relationship" for it's own sake. Men are motivated differently -- not the relationship isn't important to them, just for different reasons. If the relationship is making them feel like a shithead, they don't want it. Who can blame them for that???)

We females get some intimacy and then we want MORE closeness so that we can MERGE with them. For some reason, we tend to abandon everything else in our life and want to live in the glow of that intimacy w/o end, and even have it INCREASE. Men generally want intimacy and then feel confident to go and do the other things in their life as champions/conquerors. HE will go out and conquer the world (or a small part of it) and then bring the spoils of his conquest back to HIS woman. For that, they want our appreciation, adoration and respect. If they get that, they will climb any mountain for the woman in their life, etc. etc.

So you can see, that if they are feeling the converse is true, then the relationship is actually making them miserable and incompetent as men and they will start looking somewhere else. We have the power to motivate them, but we fail and withhold what will feed their "ego". We really know how to target that ego and emasculate them.

The key, in my opinion, is NOT just to flaunt a life apart from him in front of his face. That doesn't net any points, because it's just a WITHHOLD and he will know it. The key is to not make him feel like a %¤#&!§-and that he's responsible for all your misery. He needs to see that you are happy, and that HE CAN make you happy. If this relationship has the ability to make it, then that will need to happen, in my opinion.

Women know what it takes to get a guy in the beginning of the relationship. After we get them, we just peter out and lose our way. We lose ourselves somewhere and I think it's that thing of wanting to merge in that intimacy cuccoon. I think we feel that if a little is good, a LOT is better. And then we lose ourselves and suffocate the guy. We want to talk talk talk about the relationship until we're all blue in the face. They hate that! (for the most part).

I know that these are generalities, but I think that they hold pretty true for the most part! I have a lot of male friends, and it's been great for me to see where other females have gone wrong in their lives. One couple who were friends of mine for years just divorced because she thinks that he's a womanizer and that he could never be faithful. He and I went out to see my boyfriend's band play, and some gals hit on this guy. OMG...he is totally clueless in the 'moving-on-it' department. I really believe him when he says that he never cheated on her - especially because he crooned for her for nearly 3 years and didn't even date anyone after they separated.

My point is that you could be totally wrong, and you could be forcing him to find solace in the arms of another woman. He wouldn't necessarily be looking for 'action' in a sexual, faithless sense. He might just be subconciously trying to feel like a man who isn't responsible for making his woman totally miserable. Men feel responsible for EVERYTHING that is wrong in the world and in the life of their woman. They may never let you know this secret, but they do. THAT'S WHY THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO NAG THEM! It is like taking a huge pan and a gong and clanging it in front of their faces incessantly. They need to be our hero so badly, and they're getting the opposite from us in those moments and it's hopelessly DEMOTIVATING in the relationship.

This is my opinion - for what it's worth! And I believe that the romantic 'knight on a white horse' kinda stuff is exactly what both sexes want in a real sense. It's not just fairytale stuff---men are really motivated by wanting to please and feel absolute champions in our lives. We can't just expect them to meet our selfish needs - we need to learn how they tick and meet their needs also. How many women just expect for a man to intuitively know what pleases us and then are mad 'if they have to spell it out' to them? We don't understand them either, half the time. And we don't make much effort to try to. They are different than us!

Vive la difference!


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