Re: Fiance wants a pre-nup

I've been following your posts Paulista and it seems like you have a lot of legit concerns over your marriage! What does your gut feeling tell you about this whole thing? Your concerns seem to be more than just jitters - you have logical concerns over your future. My gut feeling from your posts is that you are not sure about this to a serious degree. I don't mean to be a downer for your day, but I gotta call it like I see it.

You mentioned before that you are interested in the financial security aspect of this guy, that money might be a major reason you are getting married to him. Now you are saying that you will have no real financial security. You'll be living in a big house but you will be out in the country alone while he goes racing all the time? You don't seem to be impressed by being rich or "high lifestyle", you seem more interested in security and quality time with your spouse, and both seem questionable with this guy. It seems like he insists on maintaining his hobbies, lifestyle and financial status while maintaining his own future security at your expense. Sure, you'll get to live in a big house but I get the feeling that a "big house" won't make you happy - you want a happy committed relatinship with security for your future. It seems like you are taking most of the risks in the relationship - he doesn't want to accomodate the marriage and your needs, but he expects you to leave your job, security, lifestyle, etc... I'm not a fan of alimony, but if he wants you to change your life and assume all the risks of the relationship, you will be paying for it during the marriage while he maintains his options and lifestyle. Which is worse: Getting a divorce or being trapped in a marriage because you have no other options because you gave up all security and independence to your spouse? In 10 years will you be so dependent on him that you have no other options but to stay in the relationship if it goes bad? Lack of control can lead to depression, and you might be giving him all the control over the relationship. Your posts don't sound happy about the marriage, it sounds like you are heading for something you are not looking forward to. You don't seem happy girl!

Maybe force a mutually acceptable agreement or split up. After 7 years you are just now finding out how he feels about these important issues. Do you know each other as well as you thought? Why get married if you don't think you are gaining commitment?




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