Re: A big fat mess.

Well, your situation is bad, but you do realise to an extent that it is of your own making... you admit you haven't lived up to your end of the bargain. However, part of you is still blaming the situation on something else. Are you really not able to get your life together just because you are not having a good love life? If your emotional outbursts are really uncontrollable and stem from sexual frustration, then you need help - that is not normal or anywhere near it. However I suspect that you are using this issue as an excuse to put off upholding your end of the deal. Of course he feels short changed, it's natural!!


What can you do about it? Well, you imply the answer in your post. Go out, and get a job, as soon as possible. Work out, get committed, take care of him. Become the person you know he deserves. Not for him, for yourself. Is it really rewarding living in this turmoil? There are two kinds of people in life, those who let the circumstances control them, or those who control the circumstances. The way you explain it, there are very specific things you can do to make him happy, which accordingly will make YOU happy. Believe it or not, getting a job will make YOU happy by proxy. Respecting and loving him will make YOU happy. But the most important thing is that you will respect yourself, which right now you are not doing. This isn't psychobabble bullshit. It's common sense. There's a song by the Offspring to the tune of the Beatles "Ob La De Ob La Da" - the lyrics go:

"My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch,
He tells me every day
He says man I really gotta lose my chick
In the worst kind of way
She sits on her ass, he works his hands to the bone
To give her money every pay day
She wants more deniro just to stay at home,
Well my friend, you gotta say:
I won't pay, I won't pay, no way
na na why don't you get a job?"

sums it up nicely.

...and if you do it, you'll be happy... and you won't be able to fight him off with wild horses.

Don't blame your frustrations. Everyone has them.
Don't blame your man.
Don't blame ANYONE but yourself.

But don't beat up on yourself. For god's sake we're all allowed a few f**k ups. The test of anyone is not how they f**k up, but how they stand up, with character, admit they are wrong, and FIX it.

But do it now, because if I was him I'd have one foot out the door.

Good luck and may you forever be happy.

-benzy the wise owl (who has f**ked up many many times) Tweet