I do understand you want to hear 'the experience'--this desire 'to be' again in the experience captures us, drive us, for after the initiation, the resurrection, one who brings something to life again or view again. Now, how to live with that on this plane, and so the quest. You said you have taken 20 yrs to absorb, and not close to touching the meaning. I've traveled the world, sacred spaces to again 'touch' this divine on this plane, yet it is here in the beautiful rose at my door, the rising sun, and now in the joy and stillness within my essence, the divine always within just here being. I was shown this essence in all life, we all arrive with the possibilities of being this love/joy on this plane, each being so precious---you have been initiated, now the question, how to resurrect?