Re: godly help please

Flirting with disaster much???... You know it's wrong to be with the other guy no matter what your husband is doing or feeling. It's called lust. You have stated you are a Christian, that means the rules apply to you now. NO Adultery and No lust.
Run, don't walk, away from the "friend" and deal with your husband. You know the right thing to do. And yes, it does mean sacrifice. But primarily, forgiveness. It doesn't sound to me like you have forgiven him for how he treated you before he got saved. As long as that is unresolved, he will still react as a guilty, judged man.
You have to work on it. You have to forgive yourself also for judging him. You should find a good Christian councilor to help you work through it.