Re: ouch.. someone bit my toes!

Peachy...... that was dead on...

Everynight now since the break up I have been praying for balance, healing and strength through time. I am really trying to watch my thoughts so I dont fall into daydreams of making him jelous....or want me back or whatever.... considering it was a mutual breakup, I am still bombarded by feelings (from my inner dialogue) that I have done something wrong... or Im not loveable..... etc.....

I am really using my spirituality to pull me through....

The relationship was built on shakey ground.... and was a rollercoaster. I wanted him to be someone who he is not, and he wanted to be him..... He also wanted to kinda remain a teenager (even though he is 27).... and I was ready to be with someone who had cleaned up and grown up.... I spent alot of my time trying to help him change, and for much of it he was grateful.... put it just re-inforced my co-dependant patters...and eventually caused me to resent him and push him away.... Its so weird... and most of the feeling and stuff.. I can link up to my parents divorce when my dad left......

But.... sometime though all the crap that we went through... I feel in love with my ex... and I have never met such a wonderful person. I do feel spiritually torn because part of my soul and intuition tells me that we are ment to be together..... but maybe not now I guess? I am also both apprehensive and excited about moving out and being on my own.... I have lived with roomates and friends since I was 13.... so this will be my very first apartment. I also missed out on alot of stuff because of a traumatic childhood and teenage years... so I have never been on a proper date.... or anything.... and I have always wanted to....

It just makes me sick a little when I think about not bneing able to call him when I want.... or sleeping without him beside me.. and his laugh, and smile.... Its tough....

Its really nice to write all this.... I havent really had anyone to talk to about it......

Thanks for the help Peachy! and I would love any breaking up, heartache advice....... or just any help to get me excited about being a single 20 something woman in a giant city!