i think you were right the first time when you said,
"i dont think any amount of direction-even if he followed it to a tee-would be enough to truly satisify. When someone is feeling in love they do things right in their own way and they are willing to please in all ways given the right communication"
no amount of instruction can fix something when someone (the husband in this case) isn't interested in getting it right.
besides, how do you get a man who doesn't want to communicate to take instruction? if he were honoring his wife's wish change their lovemaking, then they'd BOTH be instructing, and they'd BOTH be learning.