Best Way to Handle Family Dysfunction

Hi Andreas,

I have been pondering the unhealthy dynamics between my paternal aunt and myself. This aunt is very toxic for me, and I am trying to fingure out how to care better for myself around her. On Thanksgiving she really got to me, with a couple of snide remarks. I was very depressed the day after Thanksgiving, as a result.

I think she is very, very angry with me, because in her mind I ought to be meeting her needs. However, she is so unpleasant that I don't want her in my life. When I see her at family gatherings it is always the same thing. She walks up to me with a big smile and says "we don't see each other enough". I respond by feeling guilty for not giving her a chance to show she has changed, and I agree with her. Then later, she will approach me and say something that makes insulting implications about my character, but in such a smooth way that the only polite thing for me to do is ignore it. She does these things right in front of people. She is really the only person who has ever attacked my character, and I really dislike it. But I grew up respecting those who were of an older generation, and I can't imagine calling her on her stuff, especially in front of people. Also, she usually takes me by surprise, so I don't know if I could think that fast. Today I had the image of a big, black, parasitic fungus - that is how I think of her.

Thanks a lot for considering my problem.