ahh There is a lot of pain in that. So, the somewhat wanting to die has passed, and this is the *green* time, it seems. Or soon. For Elmo, the red and green time! :-) Likewise, though my story goes back to about eight years ago, and has brought me to a place of lots of blessing and grace also.
I'm glad we (however many at whatever levels there are!) have crossed 'net paths.