Re: Yes, but keep working on it!--- Thanks for your message of hope!

Krup,
Thanks for your message of hope. It's been a year since this has happened and I haven't touched a man since then. I am very dedicated to no sex of any kind outside marriage-even if that means never again. I'm trying to not even think lustful thoughts. Actually, I was then as well it just blind sided me. Satan really knew exactly how to get me where I was weak. It's so hard for me to be blatently mean because I'm so afraid of being rude or someone not liking me. Usually just saying no I don't want to do this is enough. I've been kicking myself sooooo hard. I just keep replaying it in my mind thinking "Why can't I just be mean enough to make him go away? Why didn't I hit him?". I wanted to do what was right. I know I need to leave it in the past. There is no such thing as 'what if'. I was doing well for a while until my health came into play. I believe what you are saying. Jesus forgave two adulterous women that I can think of in the Bible and many times when He healed He forgave their sins as well which leads me to believe He will heal me since He has forgiven me and I am not living in sin and don't intend to ever again. The first healing Jesus did that I came across was a skin disease as well. I would love to have a good Christian husband but I don't even want to think about dating because I coudln't bear telling anyone or hurting anyone. I know God has the ability to heal I guess I'm just not too confident about my end of the deal. I also read in a hand out from the 700 club that God is not required or obligated to heal. I know that the Bible says that God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory and I wish I could totally not worry about this but I've always wanted a Chrstian husband. It's not that I'm desperate to get married and I don't mind waiting for a long time (I'm 31 now). I just am so confused and it seems like so many of my friends have sex all the time and make no effort to do what is right and nothing has happened to them. I'm going to try really hard to only think on Him and meditate in the word. The fear monster is after me BIG time. I feel like I have a black cloud of terror over me. It's suffocating.
Ok sorry so long.
Thanks for the messages everyone. :-) I hope I can still do something to serve Him after this.