Re: Praying to die

"Sometimes I wonder who is more selfish, the family, or me."

Now there is the unspeakable truth. Of course Depression and suicide are selfish...but so is every human desire and motivation. Ever. I cant imagine being selfish enough to have children, for instance.

I have always been depressed on some level, only guilt and shame kept it hidden from view for 20 years. It is all so cruelly ironic. All that depressed people will get is guilt, shame, and mockery. I dont see any way for this to change, or any reason for it to. Nothing threatens the fairy tales that hold society together like Depression and suicide. I think the first time I realized there really is no god was when my friend killed himself in high school. If you see that for what it is, it is nothing but senseless and cruel, or ultimately a big joke. That is why people have to react with anger, calling you selfish, treating you like you want to be miserable. They cant admit for themselves that life has the potential to be that miserable, and that someone related to themselves might be that miserable. Too scary for them.

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