Praying to die

I am praying every minute of every day to die. Been severely depressed for years; going to counseling every week for 3 yrs, been on every antidepressant for 5 yrs. Nothing helps. Am 43-yr-old female. I've been told this has a lot to do with being in midlife, hormone changes, etc., and that in the 50s things get much better. I don't think I can hang on that long. I have 2 kids I love dearly, a fantastic husband that I don't want to hurt, but a person can only take so much before they give up. I just can't live like this anymore. I can't do it. Is there a God? Why hasn't He heard my prayers? Why can't I just get one sign that there is light at the end of the tunnel? Why can't I get any relief? I wish someone would put me away or kill me. I am shutting down. I am terrified I am going to feel this way for the rest of my life. Tweet