If I may ask, how old are you? I am new to the forum and trying to get familiar with a lot of things. I have two kids of my own and I even attempted suicide when I was younger. I am 37 now. My wife however has been helping me. I even lost my grandmother recently, so I am dealing with that as well. I read that you indicated you cursed God many times. While that may be the case, God surely forgives in a large way. Continue going to him in prayer and pour your heart to him daily. Take care and I hope you are still alive.