I'm not bipolar, but my husband is. I posted in the bipolar forum section of this website about lithium, which I found in the local health store of my town. It has really made a difference. He's mostly manic, also.
He was taking Relora (also available at health stores), but that would probably still need to be supplemented with the lithium, for stabilization. Actually, I started taking the Relora for depression, OCD and panic attacks.
Please don't kill yourself. I'm sorry your ex-husband abused you. You can level out.