Well, right now I'm unemployed, so I have no insurance. I haven't been to a doctor in years. My manic spells are out of control. I'm just stuck. On top of that, I'm on the verge of being evicted. I'm also having legal problems. It's enough that you just want to pack your bags and move away. I appreciate you writing me. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I don't have any friends. Well, one. He's not the type of person you can sit down with and talk to about these types of problems. I think my bipolar began when I was with my ex-husband. I was married at 16. My mom decided that she didn't want parental responsibility for me anymore, so she gave me a choice. Either marry my then current boyfriend or go to juvenille till I was 18. She was going to sign me over to the state if I didn't get married. So, I married. It was when my life did a complete 180. We were living out of a car that my cousin gave me. Taking baths at friend's houses and washing up at the local gas station bathroom was my options for hygiene. My dad worked for a grocery store at the time, so he gave us food. I lived this way for about 8 months until we got our first apartment. We only had a mattress and an old TV that we found in the dumpster. He then decided to move in his friends. In the end, I was living with 5 guys counting my husband. I found out later that one of those guys was actually wanted for first degree murder. Nice, huh?

Anyways, after about 2 years of marriage, he started cheating. I think that's around the time I started losing my mind. It was one of the lowest times in my life. I felt alone and crazy. I was under the most severe manic episodes that I had ever experienced. I nearly killed myself twice. I literally had a nervous breakdown. I was in trouble with the law constantly. I then decided to call Mobile Crisis. They are a 24-hour crisis hotline. They made me an appointment for a doctor. That's when I was passed around between doctors like a joint at a Led Zepplin concert. I bet I saw 15 doctors in a years time. I never had the chance to get use to a doctor. Every other visit was with a different doctor. It drove me nuts. That's when I was diagnosed Bi-polar.

Now, I'm 29 and still feel the same way. I feel like I'm failing. All my life everyone told me that I wouldn't amount to anything. See, most of my family is super religious. My mom divorced my dad when I was a child. My dad has 5 sisters who all married preachers and had numerous kids. I have about 20 cousins. But, I was the only kid who's parents were divorced. So, as a child, everyone would leave me out. I was constantly told that I wouldn't make it. Every since then, I've been determined to prove them wrong. All my cousins went to college and got degrees. I went to beauty school ( vocational rehabilitation paid for it) and got my license. I thought that's what I wanted to do. I worked in a salon for almost a year and was fired out of the blue because one of my co-workers accused me of stealing. I lost all my clientele. So, I gave that up and went back to school. I got an Associates Degree in Website Development. Sounds great, huh. Well, since graduation in August 2005, I have yet to find a company that will hire me. I've had a lot of other jobs that had nothing to do with my degree. But no one will give me a chance. Most places want you to have experience and I don't. You can't obtain experience without given the chance to have experience. It sucks. I can't afford to go back to school to get my Bachelors. I already owe too much in student loans.

Anyways, I hope I'm not boring you. I probably rambled on too much, but it felt good to get it out. I hope I don't scare you away with my psycho rambling. Ever see that movie "Prozac Nation"? It's a great movie. It's also a true story. It reminds me of me.

Anyways, I hope you write back. If not, it was good to talk to you. Thanks for "listening". :)

Kelly

Hi Kelly and Shagnwgn,

Have either of you, by any chance, tried your local health food store? The lithium I bought at mine is lithium aspartate, made by Solaray. It takes less than the prescribed kind, and doesn't has as much toxicity. It works unbelievably well for my husband. I honestly don't know what we would have done if I hadn't found it. His mania was really getting out of control - he wanted to beat people up. He doesn't want to go to a psychiatrist, and I don't blame him. Lithium orotate is another low level one, which is available without a prescription.

He takes two to three capsules a day and it really works!

I wish the best for both of you.


Angelblue