Day 1 Ended

I didn't weigh myself, but it should be around 118-120 lb.
Today's food craving level was 0.5 out of 10, almost nonexistent. When the 0.5 craving came, I felt a rush. It was probably my brain lacking dopamine. Well, your brain is changed by overeating or fasting. When you overeat, the tongue dominates a larger part in the homunculus. The entire biochemistry of the brain changes.

I started out my day not able to start my day. Just wanted to lie in bed. I reached out and called around until a counselor told me I had Depression and regressed because Chris, the guy I like, had a girlfriend. Well, I do remember seeing Chris showing around his Christmas gift for Nicole, his girlfriend, and feeling slightly jealous on Friday, and the next thing I knew, when I came home, I was regressing. I thought I was regressing because my love for Chris was diminishing, but later in the evening, I had to break off texting him because I was going to explode from liking him. When I knew why I was passive, I was suddenly motivated. Took a shower. Did the rest of my Chem I homework for the semester. I had a little bad concentration from sleeping too much Friday morning, so I had to take a break after every question. Sneezed many times throughout the day because of the apple turnovers I ate around Thanksgiving. I expect it to go away because of this fast.

Around 5:30 P.M., we went to the Chinese vegan restaurant. I was asked at least three times whether I was eating. I want to conceal my fasting and not make a big deal about it. I was laughing about my fast today lying on grandma's bed, and she asked why I was laughing, and I said I will tell her the secret in thirty days, at the end of January 3rd. She guessed that the secret was that I had a boyfriend and was waiting a month to see whether it goes steady. Well, I guess you could say that this fasting is a relationship in a way. She made me think of symbols.

When grandma asked about eating at the restaurant, I kept my quiet and didn't become impatient with her. Then a healer asked me whether I ate, and I said I didn't, and I trusted him so much I broke my secrecy rule and told him I wanted to fast for thirty days. What he said next offended me greatly and made me not trust him anymore. I used to look up to him. He said as a side to someone else that my mom won't let him cure me. I asked, "What illness do I have?" I asked whether it was mental or digestive illness, and he said not eating was a big illness. I contended that his own wife fasted for almost a year twice, and I didn't hear clearly his reply, but he probably said we were different. What he said made me scared and really wanted to eat, it was really hard, but my firm resolve won. He was a big interference in my fasting. I have a whim to go back in time and tell him "It's my business" when he asked about eating. I realized how important my secrecy and low profile and self-protection are. I will mention nothing to my family, or I might receive interference from them in forms such as doubt or resistance. They might just notice me not eating and get it or they might notice and doubt that I will go further, but I will not talk to them about it. For a while, mom did try persuading me to eat last night, but it was easy to not think much of it and keep my quiet.

I chatted with a friend for quite some time about his work and my future, then tutored Anne Chinese, then watched an episode of "Liv and Maddie" on Anne's phone. I couldn't watch more than one episode. After ten, I got kind of tired and really wanted to come home. This friend hit an acupuncture point on my hand and made me not tired, although it returned a little bit later. My brother's friend was watching about killing and slave prostitutes in an anime, which I really disliked but happened to sit in front of. We finally left around 10:50 P.M. We used to come home at 11:30 or 12.

I had hunger early in the day and once at night, but it was not in the tongue but in the smaller intestines, so it was no big deal, at all. I am glad I was able to get Chemistry done. Even read another book, "Outliers," when I was waiting to go to the restaurant. I also reminded everyone to take a shower and timed it for them right so there's still hot water. Lowest point of the day had to be hearing that I was sick because I didn't eat. But I did learn a lesson, and it's that it's none of his business and I need to keep my secret.

Drank 1 L water today. Had a large bowel movement before 9 A.M., right after posting the first message in this thread. Pee really yellow. No weakness. No heartburn. No dizziness. No pain except the back a little when I was doing homework. Also the acupuncture point was painful.