Reply to Soulfulsurvivor: can't move on after bpd breakup

To: Soulfulsurvivor: Thank you so much for your reply. DID YOU FIND SOMEONE AND REMARRY? ARE YOU HAPPY? Or are you single and lonely?
Its been a few more months since I posted that and I still don't feel as if I can move on. I believe I have intense abandonment issues and its painful EVERY single day. I only remember how good he was to me and all of the good memories. My mind refuses to let go. My first marriage was EASY to get over... this relationship is NOT. He tried SO HARD to be in a relationship with me, but when I told him I couldn't do six more years because I had problems trusting him, not understanding at the time that he suffered from BPD, he just lost it and his abandonment and rejection was triggered. His brain switched to "fight or flight" and rather than working it out and deciding to get counseling or do something... he completely pushed me away. I know he is NOT the key to my happiness, but he did make me so happy. His rages only occurred a few times a year. I feel like I'm throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I don't feel that I can fall in love again or find someone who was so attentive and loving like he was! I can't stand it and am in counseling with a "life coach" who believes I can meet someone else... I just don't want to! I've done tremendous work on myself to understand the roots of my attraction to BPDs. My mother had some of these traits and deep down I'm trying to heal her by marrying someone like her! I don't want to let go of him. I did speak to him since I wrote that and he said he didn't love me anymore.. but I don't believe him because he was pushing me away and screaming that he loved me just months earlier! Tweet