What is the best way to approach a BPD after a 4 mo. breakup? What to do or DO I ?

I had a bad breakup and recently realized that my BF behavior was due to BPD. I've studied it now for 2 months. He was so good to me for 6 years but would have inexplicable periods of binging on alcohol, feeling like he was going behind my back to speak with an ex, raging spells, some of which turned into DV and he would hurt me, 7 of the 9 traits including physical aches and pains, insomnia, racing thoughts, etc. I realize now I"m co-dependent. We're both early 50s. I gave him 6 months to get help after a horrific rage and drunken binge where he choked me. After 6 mo. I hired an alcohol interventionist and joined Al-anon. I took responsibility and said I was codependent, blamed myself, I broke up then he broke up with me and spent 1 month raging whenever I attempted to talk to him... he screamed that he loved me and his words and actions were so opposite. Finally I attempted to get a restraining order which he fought and his attorney managed to convince the judge I was retaliating against him, despite a video of the rage. After it was dismissed, bf tried to reach out and talk to me by going to a function of mine. I shunned him as I was too hurt. He met a woman online and on face book I contacted her and warned her about him and that he would hurt her.. too late she had fallen for his charm... I asked a coworker if he went for treatment as the judge ordered. Now I have a letter from his lawyer threatening to file charges against me because they claim I am harassing him! Since then I've realized that he is BPD and why I fell for a man like him (my ex was 10x worse!) I wanted to resolve some issues of property (also mentioned by his lawyer) and he wants me to pay his legal fees claiming its my fault! I want the gloves put down. I know he is splitting and I am all bad now! Question is, how do I approach him without going through his lawyer? Whats going on in his head, am I right? I realize now that he was not the angry BPD as much as he is the wounded child needing sympathy and support BPD with occassional rages . I found out that he is seeing a specialist in attachment disorders, however I don't know if he's been diagnosed or not. What is the best way to approach him post-breakup? What worked for any of you? If he is getting help, how will I know, what would I say? I don't want to believe that he is a lost cause and I couldn't be happy with him. I know.. it would take years of committment to therapy but he always did want to work on things.. just never was in treatment before... we never found a marriage counselor or person to help us and ask us the right questions.. always went to a marriage counselor after one of his rage and/or drinking binges... I still love him and believe he loves me... what to do... or do I? Tweet