Path of Love

Harville Hendrix shares in his numerous books, that the value in our seeming poor choices, is that we are being given the opportunity of learning how to love wout any positive conditions for that love. And that ego crushing, can provoke the erasing of immature concepts of self importance.

His comment is that romantic love is the glue that connects incompatable people, so that each one's unique sensitive points can be uncovered and excited so that, one or both, can learn mature love.

His ideas are that we are going to be uncontrollably attracted to people who have the exact positive and negative character attributes, of our own childhood caregivers. The design being that the particular difficulty in dealing with personality traits so familiar to us and so difficult makes the learning all the more real and powerfull as opposed to how much easier it is for us to give space and concern to personality traits we arent challanged by.

To the degree we lessen our own need for loving attention, we lessen our childlike imature sense of self importance.

Eventually we realize that people acting out of ballance, are actually responding, unknowingly, to their dire need of how to deal with their craving for unconditional acceptance, that they remember, evan if unconsciously, given by their original caregivers(evan if minimal), but were also seriously confused by the same caregivers actions, which at times, were selfish and non loving.
So we might utilize the ability to not react inkind to their unthoughtful behavior, and instead return their anger or other negativities, with self controlled, personely assured maturity, non condeming space.

And rather than a martyr like lifestyle we are learning how to find and be happy, by allowing the giving of unwarranted space to particular feelings, thus to become bigger than the conventional ideas about how things should be, and in the process we learn and experience far more than this struggle filled dimension can give. More than the orignal desired physical and mental comfort.

We arent required to associate w destructive behavior in any form, but we are destined to know that, unhelpful, demeaning or disparaging actions towards us, are missdirected anger(as L Huxley said 'U are not the Target' ever) and each time we let go of a bit of our ego that can be hurt in these ways, we find deeper less reactive more complete self asssurance, and more evolved loving ways to deal with this stress filled, yet inspired, emotional dimension kindergarden sandbox land. Tweet