Re: Growing up with a narcissistic mother

So….Probably too long a story to tell, maybe I should take inspiration from Christina Crawford's book and write one myself. It took me to the age of 60 to figure this out, but always knew there was a pysch dx for that witch that claims to be my "mother". 10 years ago, I thought I'd figured out that is was primary Munchausen syndrome, though I have discovered those symptoms fit with NPD. I have tried no contact for years at a time and was never happier in my life, but I let my guard down after 3 contacts a year for 15 years, and discovered whatever this mental illness is its worse than ever. Of course my long suffering father pulls me back in because he's 88 and he is somewhat sick himself and needs help. My brother a rapist, crack addict, pedafile is the golden child. He agrees with everything she says, apologizing constantly for his YUK YUK shortcomings. Since he is a manipulator and a liar, in her image, she actually defends his crimes. I'm the "bad" one for finally cutting out of him out of my life. I'm going to hell don't you know for not accepting him in my life. All he does is call them and say I am soo, soo grateful for you, and I'm going to mass and praying, (yes their fanatic Catholics) and they eat it up. 7 years ago during what I call a "slip of sanity" on my part I agreed with them, as they were aging, to move close to our summer home, we were planning on retiring there soon. BIG MISTAKE! Told that women repeatedly when they were making these plans that I did not have the kind of money they have and I need an income to survive, so there would be no free care. My husband doesn't make the kind of salary my dad did and my father received a huge pension. After 20 years of asking for nothing (she has spent tens of thousands on her worthless sex offender, crack addict son and still does) I made the mistake in desperation of asking for some help, I REALLY needed a small amount of financial help, at this time and had been caring for them for 3 years, juggling a part time nursing job, and keeping my business from imploding. That woman literally (and this isn't the first or last time,) turned into something from the exorcist, and attacked me. I walked out and made up my mind no more, I have to save myself. Cut off contact with them and had 2 months of bliss. Of course she changed their Will almost immediately to make my brother POA, Guardian, and Advanced directive authority. I was pulled back in when she had a hip fracture and as always "dad" was on the phone to me. My brother has NEVER had a job he was not fired from. NEVER had a car (all bought by my mother) that he didn't total, and has managed to not be imprisoned for his multiple sex crimes, as revealing sexual abuse is such a no-no. These people look good to some people on the outside, but more intuitive people realize there is something "wrong" with them. My father says I just have to go along with everything she says, she's just old and not mentally well. He's got the mental part right, but as I've said a hundred times to him it has nothing to do with her age, she has been like this all my life. There are years of mental abuse I have suffered and I am now recovering from cancer myself, of course my surgery and radiation are no big deal, and of course she insists I went to the wrong doctors, as I always do the wrong thing, making my disease my fault. Actually my cancer was a gift, it has given my some time off from the insanity and given me the time to research what is really wrong here. I will not shed a tear, maybe you will, but I know I have been abused and I will not grieve my abusers. My concern at this point is avoiding them as much as possible, and doing as little as possible. If she dies whatever we all do, if he dies she will finally be subject to my whims, as there is no one else to help her. I hope a loving God will forgive me for these terrible feelings but 60 years of this is enough! Tweet