Re: Growing up with a narcissistic mother

Hoo boy....what a mess.

Are you asking this question about what a child can do, or an adult that lived with that as a child? The reason I ask is that children can have very little control, if any. I suppose that someone could call child protective services, but then what? If the child was not being physically abused, and there were no other signs of abuse, who would protect that child? I fear that there are many children who are now experiencing what you experienced.

My husbands mother was insane, and I am not being glib. She was jealous, egotistical, vain, paranoid, depressed...and in the end I believe schizophrenic (if not the whole time). My husband witnessed her viciously attack her husband for the whole time he lived at home. My husband had no friends growing up, he was kept very close to the vest. And when he didn't do what she wanted she would dissolve in tears, shaming him that he was not a good son...nor a good person. My husband grew up with severe clinical Depression which I have been helping him battle for 25 years now. Even when she moved away from us, out of state, 10 years ago he was still suffering terribly. Mostly guilt for not calling her more and visiting her.

She just died about 4 few months ago. My husband has not been depressed since then. In fact, he has been almost like the man I first met. One day he told me that he was relieved. He was very open about it. He said that he felt no shame in this. She was a powerful influence just being alive.

Now I know that sounds harsh, but I am just relaying what has happened here.

Your mother was mentally ill. It's a hard thing to say. Parents are not supposed to be like this. At least you seem to have some very specific self awareness. Your poor Dad was the product of living with that kind of person.

I have no advice for you really. I guess I just saw your post and wanted to relay what has just recently happened at our home. I was so worried about my husband on the advent of my MIL's death, and then the most surprising thing happened. It was like the exorcism of demons.

One thing I do know...you gotta stop talking about your mother to those relatives. Let sleeping dogs lie. And it might help if you start talking about your mother to a professional. You need to wrap your brain around this. Are you saying she is still negatively impacting your life because of your Father, or your personal life? Is your abuse causing you problems in your life aside from others?

I know there are some great posts on similar situations. Try to google mother in this forum and see what you come up with.

I hope that you find peace. I hope my husband has truly found peace too.

Molly




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