Re: Muru's story 2 - comments and support appreciated, trigger warning

Thank you both,

The above flashback isn't very bad in comparison to the other ones, but I get your point about not wanting to give other baddies a chance to get ideas so I will stop writing out flashbacks here.

I used to leave my body and go to my favourite climing tree just outside my bedroom window. I used to be good at leaving my body, but it doesn't feel that safe anymore.. It just makes me feel cut off and alone. Has meditation got an element of leaving your body, or is the idea to stay in the body the whole time?

I tried my best to be good so that mum didn't get tired of me and go to see her sister when it was bed time, that's when the baddie would come. I'm not very good at being good. When it seemed I was doing okay for many nights I did something stupid like knock over my glass of milk, shout or giggle too loud with the other children, couldn't finish my dinner or got my clothes dirty or ripped in my climbing tree. I hate being bad but I don't seem to be able to stop it. Just when I thought I was doing alright the baddie uncle came at night and I remembered something bad I did that day or a few days prior and that was probably why he had to come. He said I needed to be taught a lesson for being bad. He said if I told anyone something really really bad would happen. Sometimes I made myself hurt to see if the baddie uncle would stay away if I hurt myself first. I made myself fall off climbing frames, knock my head on the sharp corner of a table, scrape my knee or arm against a sharp rock to make me bleed. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn't.

Even though I'm an adult now and should know that it wasn't my fault I feel like I'm just bad to the core. No matter how hard I try I mess things up and then I wait something bad to happen. I still hurt myself just in case I can stop something worse from happening by doing it. 

Does Rainn help people in the UK as well?
<3: Muru Tweet