Muru's story 2 - comments and support appreciated, trigger warning

I don't seem to be able to post to my original threat either..

Thank you both for believing that I shouldn't feel guilty about all this. I think I know that in an intellectual level, but as soon as the nightmares or flashbacks come it's different. It's like Im that little girl.. I don't like being her. How to get rid of her?

Your right Soulsurvivor, I don't think my parents knew/report it. He might have been caught hurting someone else cause he disappeared when I was six.

I want these bad memories out of my head though...
************************** TRIGGER WARNING *******************************************

" I think its my fourth birthday, Im wearing the same dress that I wore at my party. I have pictures of me in that dress on my album, blowing out four candles. I'm allowed to play outside while mummy is tidying up. It's soon tea time. Daddy is tinkering with our car in our garage. I go and help. Daddy says I might get my dress dirty, but I want to see what daddy is doing.

The baddie uncle cycles past our house. He stops and rides over, hopping off his bike. He talks to daddy. Daddy says he'll go and get some spare parts for the car from the town. I want to go with daddy but the baddie uncle says he'll watch me. I'm scared but I don't want to make the baddie uncle angry so I say nothing. Daddy leaves and the uncle sits on the bench in the garage. He says that I'm very pretty, look like a doll. He says he's heard I can dance very well, he asks me to show him how well I can dance. He starts to sing and I'll twirl around slowly. I am so scared of him and I do as he says. He has his hand in his pocket.

He beckons me over and lifts me on his lap. He is moving me about on his lap, he shakes and I worry he'll drop me on the concrete floor. I don't understand what is happening. The shaking stops and the baddie uncle swears. I know swearing is bad, I think I have been bad but I don't know why. The baddie uncle says I got myself in a mess. He picks up daddy's car polish rug and starts rubbing the back of my dress. He swears a lot and I know Im in trouble. He says I better run to my mum, it's tea time.

I go inside, mummy tells me to wash my hands. I'll try to twist my dress around to see if there is still mess on my dress. I see a sticky smudge, sort of slimy but mixed with black. I think it looks like the oily polishing rug. Mummy notices me and has a look at my dress. She is angry with me and says I've ruined my new dress. I am so very sad, I liked that dress. I didn't want to look like a doll though. The baddie uncle likes dolls. I don't like them anymore."

I need to try and forget. Will I be able to forget once I have written the flashbacks down?

<3: Muru