I am going to be very brief since it is 4:00 AM here and I am ready for bed. Sorry for you to have to read all the “junk” that some people put out. It doesn’t help you very much.
My immediate reaction to the story of your life is that you need more patience and do allow yourself not to be perfect.
I will endeavor to give some ideas in my next response, which I will try to send in the next few days. My computer is very sick and needs replacing. My new one is here but it needs to be hooked up and files need to be transferred, etc….. So delays and more delays….