Re: Letting go destructive communications

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful response. I get a bit freaked out around people who intensely "accuse first, ask questions later", and once upon a time had many family members with that style. I ended up distancing myself because it was so painful and awful being around them.

So, yes, these are good points for a calm response on my part. Yes, I could have been a bit more caring on the day... She has a huge issue with a family member (which she isn't dealing with), and since that issue came up again, she has been kind of crazy. I don't want to psychologize her stuff but she's made it pretty clear of late that she thinks this is how to resolve stuff: Attack! until you get the other person to somehow capitulate.

I think also part of this is that MY style has changed... I have grown out of so many old personal dramas, and while I want to be kind and considerate, I can't endlessly commisserate about a really destructive situation (her own situation with her family member). So it appears that the day that made her so angry was that she wanted me to demonstrate sympathy "on demand" for her family sitation, while I'd set a boundary months earlier by gently telling her I don't think we should discuss it any more, and offered some other constructive suggestions.

So, up on my plate: follow through, and a forgiving attitude. Tweet