Re: Letting go destructive communications

Is it fair to say I just no longer want to be a part of destructive communication, and just move on?
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Yes, it is fair. Why put yourself through all that?

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I think your analysis of the situation " I suppose in hindsight she was looking for “oh my dear let me hug and make you feel better” type of thing, but I just felt stung by her accusations." is spot on.

Yet without knowing just what it was that she wanted to discuss, it seems her reaction was very inappropriate --- even if the topic was something very dire.

Also, I'm guessing that the topic was something that she felt she needed to screw up the courage to blurt it out. If she only found the courage to say something when it was time for her to go, it would have been better if she has said something like "I didn't get to tell you what happened because it's hard for me to talk about. Can I call you or can we arrange to get together soon when we have more time?"

Before you both left, did you say something like "I'm sorry to hear that?" Or did you just leave it at "We'll talk later?" If it was the latter, then I'm guessing that she found your response to be cold. Perhaps that explains her over the top response in later days. Yet...you did offer to talk to her in person again.

If this is a really big, devastating thing she has to talk about, it could be clouding her judgement to the point that she is inappropriately lashing out at you. Sometimes our words and actions are read wrongly as I suspect that was what happened, thus her response.

So...at this point, you need to decide just how you want to proceed. You know her well enough to know the answer to this question --- has she reacted in a similar fashion in the past when such a situation arose, or is this out of character for her? Whatever the answer is, it will help you decide what to do. If it is the former, then it is clearly a pattern for her so I would suggest moving on. If it is the latter, you could chalk it up to the stress she is feeling. Perhaps when she calms down, she'll realize that she shouldn't have lashed out at you.

Your idea of calling her and letting her know you care and talk about the facts of that day, is a good idea. At that point, you're putting the ball in her court. If she responds abusively, then let it go and don't call her again.

I hope this helps. I've tried to give advice based on the facts you gave. Best wishes to you!

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