Re: You have found omega 3

I think that it was Mother Teresa who said: "God never gives you more than you can handle, but I just wish that he didn't trust me so much."  

You certainly have a load of things in your life which validates my recognition of your background.  The scientific is certainly an option because modern "medicine" does work at times and even the branch that deals with the mind.  My personal difficulties with that is there is so much over medication on that level it's a wonder that people can mentally navigate in this reality.  I hit issues with PTSD many years ago and was suicidal and they wanted to medicate me if I told them the suicidal part but lied just to not have it done to me.  Prior to that for some other reason my primary care doctor had for no reason at all that I can see given me a prescription for Valium because I had difficulties getting to work.  After that Valium experience (I never refilled) I swore I'd never again take a mood altering drug and have stuck to it.  Meditation has gotten me through the hell and high water as well as some wonderful internal love that I never knew existed within me.  That's the motivation for my continuing meditation because while there are ups and downs just like regular life, it's the joys that I hit that let me know it's all worthwhile.

So, enough for my rant on allopathic medicine yet I must say that I do rely on it quite a bit too.  One has to pick and choose and you are obviously in that particular process and from your posts your perception of what you are dealing with are rational and objective yet like all of us I'd guess that you're a little tough on yourself so don't be afraid to give yourself some slack.  I did some counseling while getting through my PTSD and don't really think that the counseling was very beneficial but it did put names on things that I was dealing with and then I'd take all of that home and work on it in meditation and it was meditation that got me though and not the counseling.  

Bipolar is generally assessed as an imbalance somewhere in our physical system that causes a mental imbalance.  I've worked with a person who was eventually diagnosed bipolar so that's what I surmise the medical diagnosis sums up to be.  Yet I know for a fact that meditation can rebalance the brain and cure bipolar as well.  It works both ways - the spirit (mind if you wish to call it that, but it's not) can cause an imbalance in the brain but the spirit can also reverse it.  It takes time and space.  Don't know how much time you want to devote to it but I do an hour or more a day.  Have done that for more than 30 years though I'm now retired.  But I'd suggest beginning with 10 or 15 minutes and commit to doing it daily.  You will find things out there (even on CZ) which buzz your brain waves or alters your feelings but they are that - devices, and are just like taking pills.  It makes you think that you can't do it yourself.  It's a prop.  It's a crutch.  I would suggest not using them nor would I suggest crystals or anything like that even though they can offer some assistance.  Doing meditation and repairing your soul is a very personal and very rewarding process.  You can find teachers - but don't listen to gurus or someone who tells you what to do, just find something or someone that tells you how to do it.  Here's a link to a woman who was bipolar, incarcerated, on meds, etc., who cured all if it with meditation.

http://voices-of-recovery-schizophrenia.blogspot.com/2008/07/jane-alexander-m...

I too went to school with hardships - was a horrible public school student, did military, got married, had two kids, started school on the G I Bill but of course that doesn't support a family so I unloaded box cars with a hand truck on graveyard shift 3 nights a week while going to school full time in the day time.  Was tough, but I made it with an advanced degree and it opened doors for me for a better job than I had before.  Don't give up dreams that are achievable.

By the way, your in utero experiences as well as your birthing experience itself are highly significant in what you are dealing with right now in present time and meditation can help those too if you find one that allows you to focus on life experiences.

Best to you.