i get so tired of it all!!

my body is shot and has been for the past 14 years. just writing to vent here and get it out. seems like there is a consequence to everything i put in my body regardless if it's supposed to be healthy or not.

candida is a major issue: i have chronic athlete's foot, a coated tongue, and white stringy things acommpany my every bowel movement. i can't fight it because the toxins that are released make me sicker and i think the candida is there because my body is overwhelmed in the first place...it has to be opportunistic so there has to be something else behind it. probiotics cause horrific die-off for me but really get me nowhere. i finally did test positive for Lyme disease and could not take anymore Antibiotics after 3 gut-wrenching years on them. i know there are viruses and parasites involved too. i completed 30 days on Humaworm and felt unbelievably crappy the whole time but got no results in the end. i always knew there was a viral component and it was finally validated when i had a painful breakout on my thumb earlier this year. so i have candida, parasites, viruses, and probably Lyme too...everything but the kitchen sink!! i must say though, at least i tested negative for heavy metals.

it all began in 1997 with 24/7 sweating, headaches, ears ringing, body pain all over and mental confusion. after 6 months the symptoms of a severe infection lessened and left me functionally ill but still extremely sick. no diagnosis despite 20+ doctors, several blood tests, a spinal tap, and a medical chart larger than a set of encyclopedias.

i know my liver is completely challenged. Liver Flushes release so many toxins that this is not an option. Liver Cleansing herbs make me feel like i want to die. almost everything i consume brings on vertigo and ringing in my ears. dark circles under the eyes are the usual...i look like hell even after a long sleep. bowel movements are sluggish and totally unhealthy looking with undigested food. almost everyday i'm dizzy...so very dizzy i don't know how i still function. everytime i see a doctor and mention my symptoms it is a complete waste of time. so i quit going to doctors altogether. even the last naturopath i went to gave me stuff that caused my health to spiral downhill even faster.

i'm focused on coming up with a gentle approach to remove the poisons from my body. i still believe there is a major pathogen(s) behind this so i take Monolaurin regularly and it actually seems to be doing something as i get a good 'ole herx from it sometimes. i chose Monolaurin as my pathogen fighter because it works on yeast, viruses, and bacteria. i'm upping my dose so slowly on Monolaurin that it wll probably take a year to get to a therapeutic level. tonight i started taking glutathione and NAC and so far they don't feel too troublesome, but the NAC kind of is upsetting my stomach and may have given me shortness of breath. i have zeolite and i'm thinking this may help if i start slowly. seriously, i can't even take a fragment of a multivitamin without ending up on the floor.

every once in a blue moon i will have a near symptom-free day, believe it or not. the scariest thing about these days is i know when i wake up the next morning it will be hell again until the next blue moon. though i know deep down that if i have a "feel good" day then it is possible to have them more often and maybe someday permanently.

i've tried it all: zappers, herbs, every supplement from A-Z, coffee enemas, colonics, probiotics, Miracle-Mineral-Supplement , Colloidal Silver , ozone, hydrogen peroxide, Cowden Lyme Protocol, mild hyperbarics, infrared sauna, and this list goes on and on...

sometimes i wonder how i'm still alive and why. i don't know the "how" part because i've felt like i was on death's door so many times over the years, especially the last 2 years. the "why" must be that i'm supposed to conquer this for the love of myself and those around me.

anyway, thanks for listening. it feels kind of nice to write to people who probably struggle much the same. it just sucks being a medical riddle. Tweet