Details

Thank you for filling in the very important details.  Blue Rose is on the right track.  Here's my personal belief:  p 0 r n addiction is a very, very dangerous issue for men and women. 

With the introduction of personal computers about 20 years ago, p 0 r nography became instantly (even with dialup) available in one's own environment - one didn't have to visit adult stores that were typically located in questionable parts of towns.  Additionally, when p 0 r n became so readily available, people began to embrace and excuse the viewing of p 0 r n as "natural," and "to each his own," and so forth. 

For men, p 0 r n becomes an addiction because they are primarily stimulated by visuals - this is a documented research fact.  With the availability of p 0 r n of all types comes the necessity to view more shocking/degrading/demeaning visuals, as time goes on.  It takes more intensity to stimulate, in other words.  For women, p 0 r n becomes a general representation of what they perceive to be "normal" and  healthy sex - and, most people confuse love with sex, which creates women who engage in extremely risky, demeaning, painful, and degrading sexua| activities.  sexua| stimulation for both genders is very, very powerful and the general public either forgets the fact that nearly all p 0 r nography is generated as a money-making endeavor, or they choose to ignore that fact.  The general public is hit by a barrage of sexua| innuendo throughout their waking hours through media advertisements and marketing, so they have literally become desensitized to sexua| overtones.

Now, you take the instant availability of p 0 r n, add technology into the mix, and a child (or, two), and the consequences are horrendous - children access their parents' computers, CD's, magazines, or hand-held devices, and BLAMMO!!!!  A child is suddenly exposed to graphic imagery that they are not mature enough to process - child exposure to p 0 r nography is considered, in many, many States, to be child abuse simply for that reason.  Don't, for one second, fool yourself into believing that your daughter hasn't been exposed to what her father views, or been influenced to base what her perception of femininity is upon his tainted view of women.  Daughters need their fathers to define what is acceptable as far as their femininity goes, and his vocalizing how "hot" women in clubs look is just the tip of the iceburg.

I mentioned individual and/or marital counseling, and I stand by this 100%.  After providing the necessary details of your situation, something is broken in the marriage, and it is imperative to sort out your own feelings of betrayal by the husband, as well as the guilt of engaging in your affair.  Yes, we all make mistakes, and the world is not going to stop rotating because you had an affair - but, understanding why you chose to have an affair rather than simply end the marriage, heal your Self, and then find a partner will help you to avoid choosing someone who will further damage you.  Your daughter will also benefit tremendously from counseling so that she doesn't confuse the fantasy of p 0 r n with the reality of Real Life.  Counseling will likely not help to mend your marriage - in my world, p 0 r n is a deal-breaker and represents abuse to me, personally.  BUT, it will certainly help you and your daughter sort out your respective issues, and prepare you for a legal separation and possible divorce. 

My abusive ex-husband used to view p 0 r n, and then demand that I perform what he had seen.  I couldn't do it, and I wouldn't do it - it was painful, humiliating, and utterly repulsive to me.  My refusal to engage in risky sex (inviting anonymous men into the bedroom, etc.) would result in days of the "Silent Treatment," and beatings, on occasion.  Once, when I refused to engage in sexua| violence, he refused to "allow" me to purchase groceries for our family.  This is precisely how p 0 r nography can fuel domestic abuse and violence, and you very well may be living in an abusive environment - hence, one more reason to engage in counseling.

As for the other man.  Dear heart, it may seem that he is fulfilling a void, right now, and I understand that.  But, until you get your Self sorted out and make a decision about your marriage, keeping him in the equation is going to cloud your judgement for certain.  Put the whole relationship on hold for a while.  My feeling is that he seems to be a Knight on a white charger, but healing your Self and setting an example for your daughter is of the utmost importance, at this moment.  Once you begin sorting out your own issues of betrayal, trust, and so forth, you'll be a much stronger individual and readily prepared to accept a partner and companion.

Once again, thank you for filling in the very important details - it's not easy for people to be honest about sensitive marital issues, but without details, the whole picture just can't be viewed as a whole. 

Brightest blessings to you, and may you get started down your healing path!