The Gray Lines That Still Define Rape

When I was 17 years old and living in Niagara Falls, my sister got a new boyfriend, JT. He was creepy and would always come over to visit with my sister, who would never stop by before he came into her life. He wanted to get to be friends with me.

One day they came over and asked me if I wanted to meet one of JT's friends, TK, and I said no. I did not want to meet someone I didn't know. They kept trying to convince me that TK was a nice guy, but I still refused and JT left obviously bothered by the rejection to meet his friend.

Not more than days later, my sister came back with JT and they both had a whole new attitude. My sister was very demanding and bullied me into the living room where her menacing boyfriend JT was. He had his arms crossed and looked angry. This guy was big and scary and he had a free pass into my house as long as he was with my sister. They had every intention of getting me to agree to meet TK.

They had me cornered in the living room and my sister started arguing with me. "Why are you saying no? But TK is nice! Why are you being such a b****? Why won't you just meet him? I said I didn't want to date anyone and she said, "Why do you keep calling it a date? He just wants to meet you?" I still refused and that's when she punched me in the face, sending my front teeth almost all the way through my top lip. After that I stopped being argumentative and agreed to meet TK. I didn't know what else to do. I loved my sister and wouldn't call the cops on her. Looking back, I see what a big mistake that was.

JT and my sister brought TK over a day later. He was fairly unattractive and seemingly unassuming. He invited me to a party and I said no. Then JT jumped in and told me he and my sister would be there too, so we were all going to have fun and party together. With that, I agreed.

They drove me over to TK's house where about 6 young men were sitting in chairs in the driveway with a keg of beer in the middle. JT, my sister and I all sat on chairs around them and after only a short while, JT and my sister got up, said their goodbye's and headed toward the car. I tried to follow, but TK told me not to worry, JT and my sister would come back for me. JT and my sister did not even look back as they left.

Hours went by. Nobody talked to me. They just talked about how great b*** jobs feel, and other subjects that interested them. All the while, they simply acted as if I was invisible, but would not let me leave. When I did try, they finally took notice. I tried to stand up and they told me to stay, so I sat there and waited for my sister to come and get me. Hours went by and it got dark and JT and my sister did not return.

Without an explanation and no more than a few words, TK led me into his house and up the stairs. I saw his dark haired friend there. I'd seen him playing frisbee outside earlier and my intuition told me he was the nice one of the group. He was standing in the door to one room, while TK was standing in the door to his room right next to it.

I asked TK's friend if he could drive me home. TK chimed in and told me his friend was too drunk to drive. So I asked to use the phone. "We don't have a phone here," TK said. Then I asked if I could leave and knock on a neighbors door and call my mom and he told me it was too dangerous for me to be outside late at night.

"Come into my room. You can sleep in there on your own. I won't touch you." Since he wasn't letting me leave, I figured it wouldn't be so bad if he let me sleep in there alone. So we went in and he started telling me about the beautiful girlfriend he used to have who asked him for money for tampons and bought something else, which led to the reason they they broke up. It was a subject he'd been mulling over all day in the driveway with his friends as well. Why he felt the need to make that the topic with me is beyond my comprehension. Maybe I was there to take her punishment. He asked me to take off my shoes--a seeminly normal request for someone about to go to bed. Then he told me to take off my clothes.

I was in a situation where I could not escape. I didn't know how many men were still in the house, he knew his way around, he could easily outrun me, and I didn't know how to get home from there. I knew I was trapped. I simply could not get away, so at that point I simply did not stop him from doing whatever he wanted to do. At the time, it seemed like the only thing I could do. He knew I didn't want to have sex with him. I made it clear by asking to leave multiple times and trying to get up and leave twice while we were still outside. He also probably knew I'd previously refused to meet him.

From the start I was being set up to have sex with TK. I was stalked, bullied, harrassed, manipulated, delivered into the hands of a rapist by my sister and abandoned, trapped at his house and guided up stairs, tricked into his bedroom, where he got what he wanted.

For a long time I knew that I had been violated in a very bad way, maniuplated, used like a tool, but I didn't realize it was rape because I didn't say "no" right at the end. However, it was rape. The only reason he was able to have sex with me was because he trapped me and would not let me go. He knew I had no way out. He knew what he'd done and it had been all planned out right from the very start.

I saw him not long after that. He looked at me and said, "Oh, you don't remember me do you?" Yes, I remembered him. I still remember him and I'll never forget him. He is a rapist and as far as I'm concerned, my sister and TK are rapists too because they played a major role in my rape by delivering me to him like a thing to be used.